Thursday, August 20, 2015

HOLDING TIGHT



     Today, I had to make my two rescue cats endure emotional suffering. It occurred to me, that their suffering and -subsequent comforting-held some parallels to my own experience, after tragedy struck my life. That day,  an auto accident physically separated me from my husband and two children...  for my earthly lifetime. The date of the wreck,  happened to be the day after the Winter Solstice...when days become ever increasingly "longer".

     My kitties, well, they refuse to cooperate when it's time to trim their dagger-like nails. I know it's time to go to the groomer, when Toby starts repetitively snagging a nail on something. When he perilously hung from his tallest cat tree, unable to free himself without help (what if I wasn't there at the time?) I knew it was "time"...

     How I long to be able to tell them "why" they need to go through these repetitive "trials"…I wonder if God is discomforted, when He sees us so angry, confounded and bewildered by what He is allowing to happen to us.   And perhaps wishing He could explain that it only seems like He's being "mean" toward us…that He doesn't randomly take us out of our comfort zone-just when we're feeling all safe and secure…(My kitties were resting when they got nabbed by me.)

     Abby cried on the way to the groomer. I had called Uber, so the driver that picked us up was totally unfamiliar to them.  New car, new smells…everything was so foreign and probably scary for them…just like it was for me, back when. "Why, why, why?"

     I reassured Abby as best I could, with the limitations imposed on me. I couldn't fully make contact with her- we were all seat belted in, plus they were in cat carriers. So I used my "voice",  my "touch" and mostly just my being "present" with her, working within the confines that restricted me. I tried to make them understand that "All is well".   These things we too,  experience...when God comforts us. He uses His servants'  voices, hands and selflessness; assuring us of His continued love toward us. 

     I so love holding my cats -my fur kids-with my arms tightly wrapped as securely around them as possible, when they are undergoing "the trial"…Whatever happens during this time, I am as close as a heartbeat; and I don't hesitate to show them my love in whatever way I can. If I feel this way toward my cats…how much more must God feel towards us when we're suffering?

     After the wreck 30 years ago, I recall still, the nearness of God. It was a kind of continuation of the overwhelming,  "Wrapped in warmth and love- beyond all doubt" feeling I experienced earlier, on that cold December day.  Before the Jaws of Life appeared to "free" me, I'd had a NDE (Near Death Experience).  That love was a kind I had never experienced before. It was a life-changing kind of love. It felt as if God knew absolutely everything about me- the good, the bad and the ugly-and it still made absolutely no difference…He never stopped loving me, because that was not an option.…It felt as as if there was never even a blip on the radar, regarding anything I had ever done "wrong" diminishing His love toward me..  It was simply a completely  unwavering, completely unconditional immersion of His Love...beyond all mortal understanding. It felt true, that God really is Love.

     I personally think, if I may be so bold, that God can't wait until we finally get Home. That He is discomforted when He sees us struggling so, being mortal and thus incapable of truly understanding His ways.... As much as we ourselves long for the "ease"that Heaven implies... I believe that God also longs for us to have that swallowing up of mortality, and being clothed with immortality-finally shedding our earth-bound, kindergarden-level consciousness. We will finally get to understand "why"…and God gets to finally explain why He really wasn't being "mean" to us. That our suffering had to do with our long-term comfort. And that suffering while taking the sharp edges off, ultimately helps us to walk without pain, letting ourselves- and our companions- rest from fear.

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