Sunday, April 16, 2017

EASTER THOUGHTS



                
I love this religious holiday. Jesus being resurrected from the dead is the very reason "I," can live again after my husband and children died. There's reason to hope again that my life is still living; because He lives, they live also. 

I like what I read once, that either Jesus was a raving madman or . . . He was telling the truth. I believe through His loving actions performed and compassionate way of living--that He spoke the truth. My family's death isn't the end of the story. God always has a better Plan B. I'm looking forward to it! I believe it will be as if we'd just stepped over into our new world, when it happens. 

My cat Abby just couldn't understand why she couldn't go outside on her leash the other day. It was too late in the day and coyotes are known to prowl for food around here at dusk. How I wished I could tell her why she had "to wait awhile" in a way she could understand. But that cannot be in this life. I wonder if God feels a little sad for us, because we have to wait for our desires and are unable to comprehend the "why" and yet He very much wants our happiness in all things.

Another interesting occurrence was found in a tiny, vintage book written in 1843. I found this for $1.50 at the library bookstore I volunteer at. Inside the book was an ancient pressed flower encouraging the reader to read a passage primarily speaking  about "It is well with my soul." Which just happens to be a favorite "God is blessing me with this song" of my friend Dale. One other page was dog-eared. I turned to that and found a passage talking all about how God "Restores." The concept of which was etched in my brain somehow, right after my family's tragic accident and been a constant focus-thought for me ever since.

Easter Day today and I just had an interesting occurrence. A little girl just asked me if she could help me as I worked on my front yard's flowers. This reminded me of when my first Fall rolled around after my toddler Michael had been killed. How I'd longed to rake up leaves only for him to scatter them again. And when I felt the saddest, that's when God sent a young neighbor boy I'd never met before--to walk down my sidewalk. Someone who just wanted apparently, to wordlessly rake leaves with me for a couple minutes and then silently continue his way down the sidewalk.

Jesus' Resurrection was huge --but small miracles abound around us if we just pay attention. 
                                                 
                                                             "Happy Easter!"

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

FROM EARTHLY DUST TO PERFECTION


LISA AT THREE AND 1/2 MONTHS YOUNG


Today--March 1, 2017-- Lisa would have turned "33" years old. Wow. It's hard to fathom that, since I last saw her physically at only nine and a half months young. From my headboard shelf where it's kept, I lifted off my favorite framed picture of Lisa . . . and saw dust. Coincidentally, today happens to be "Ash Wednesday" and the start of Lent for Christians.  Seeing that dust under her photo, I recalled this verse from Genesis (3:19):

" . . . For dust you are and to dust you will return." (NIV)

I realized I'd never focused much on the prior verses that spoke of all the toil and trouble mankind would now have after choosing their will over God's.  Lisa (and all transitioned children) have in fact been saved from having to struggle in this life and all little children that have died are guaranteed by Jesus to now be on easy street. Jesus clearly has a fondness for little children. They probably refreshed His Spirit just like they refresh our own weary spirits during our earthly trials.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (NIV Matthew 19:14 --emphasis mine.)

They "belong" there! They've got the run of the place! "Reunion" for them must have been more like "Further Union." They've never once consciously parted from Christ!

I've also come to realize that because they died so young (Lisa at 9 1/2 months and Michael at 27 months) having any kind of "rift" between us never happened. Although I did not get to see them mature to an adult age . . .  there are no smoldering regrets, arguments or resentments that can taint the mother/father and child-turned-adult relationship. I will never carry any troubling, unfinished emotional business between us to my grave or they to theirs. Like I have with the relationship memories with my own departed parents.

Those of us that have very young transitioned children  will also never have any questions about their relationship with Christ either. A big comfort to me is that they died being "as close to an angel" as is possible in this earthly life.

I've come to understand that even though in this life I've not had some of the "fun" stuff of seeing Lisa and Matthew grow to adulthood, I'm blessed beyond measure believing Jesus' Word that Heaven belongs to children--especially.

On this Ash Wednesday, when we Christians focus on the reality of physical death (ashes literally placed upon our foreheads) I remember that God in His Mercy can also raise us up to New Life. And that even though my children no longer have their fleshly bodies:

"The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing.  . . . " (NIV John 6:63).

Earthly death is just a transitioning moment . . afterward we come to fully realize our joy of having union with Life and Love Himself. (And I believe in Purgatory being a time of fairness . . . of learning in order to truly and freely be able to make that choice irregardless of any prior harmful influences.)

                                             HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA!!
                     
                                  I LOVE YOU AND YOUR BROTHER ALWAYS (and your earthly Dad!)


Saturday, February 18, 2017

FEELING WHIPPED



As a Christian bereaved mom, I sometimes feel as though I'm being whipped into submission to get back into the line of what "truly loving" bereaved moms "must" feel. This comes, evidently, from non-Believers . . . even if they consider themselves a Believer, it appears to me. 

How many times must I hear that an apparently "truly" grieving mother must steadfastly refuse to believe there can be no possible "explanation" for our child's early death? But what about our belief that God has His reasons why He allowed something horrible to happen . . .  understanding that our comprehension of the "why" not humanly possible during our lifetime. Trust in God does sound like a platitude to some . . . but it is my best "go to" answer as a Christian who believes, but is not able to understand the divine. I believe that I will have full knowledge after I transition. I don't consider myself a mindless robot . . . but someone who has spent a lifetime so far trying to understand and figure out just what I believe, after my foundation was so violently rocked at age 28. I'm 60 now.

As of now, I have no clue as to why that 10 ton truck had to be at that intersection . . .  precisely when our pickup intersected that spot. In a state known to have "the" least population; While traveling on a lonely rural highway; Just before Christmas, too. This is "the hard stuff" of being a Believer. We may never know in this lifetime why tragic stuff happens to good people. (But look at Jesus as an example of this).

As a Christian, I TRUST that God allowed it for some reason that He, being non-subject to time had knowledge of "why" this had to be. Or it would not have been allowed. I still believe that God is 100% Love and I still believe that God is 100% trustworthy. Call me a fool if you want. I will never stop believing otherwise.

This talk sounds like nonsense to a non-Believer. Their stated reasoning (or variations of):

"There is no good reason why God should allow an innocent child that was healthy, beloved and had a whole lifetime of love and life to look forward to."

If a Christian bereaved mom tries to counter the above statement with--horror of horrors--Scripture references, then a whole new slew of vehemence often erupts.

"Platitudes" and "Trite sayings" are hurled at the Christian who has found extreme comfort from just the very things an apparent non-Believer is hurling back at them in utter disgust. I can understand the anger toward Christians that are insensitive technique-wise at communicating their beliefs. There is no protest from me with bereaved moms that are angry at Christians who seem to be one-upping others by Faith bashing. But others, and I consider myself one, are trying to help a fellow bereaved mom gently find her way through the darkness by shining the Light of Christ and His assurances and how that has proven helpful to us. Wouldn't you share your food with the near-starving?

For those bloggers who trash Christian moms for trying to help others--those of you who lump us all together as bigoted bullies-- you are not helpful to one half of your listeners (or readers). 
I read today on a bereaved mom's blog, that she and others like her:

"Would want to punch her in the face" (a fellow bereaved mom and a Christian--for sharing her faith).

When faced with aggression, it's only normal to retreat. Maybe that's why some Christian moms feel it's just easier to keep silent rather than speak or write, amid the difficult-to-counter likes of:

"I love my child too much to ever be okay with their dying before me . . . it's just not normal."

"My child was taken before their time and missing out on everything good in this life."

"I hate G*d because of what He did to me."

"God hates me because of something I did to Him."

These are difficult topics to address even for those that are trained professionals, to say the least! I've had my share of put downs for trying to help other bereaved moms. That's why this blog is geared toward "Christian" moms, because I feel at least I have a starting point from which to reaffirm our mutual belief of life and HOPE following death. For both Mom and child. 

After being bereaved now for over thirty years, I have fought many battles in regard to losing instantly both my infant daughter Lisa, toddler son Michael and Tim, my husband of ten years from an auto accident. The last thing I feel like battling is trying to defend my undying love for them even though I firmly believe my Christian assurances. Bottom line:

YES!! I STILL WILDLY LOVE THEM!! 

I believe in complete and utter restoration for them of all that is truly "important" of which they've not had the chance to experience on earth. I miss them not being physically here with  me on earth. But if they had the chance to be 100% happier being away from me for awhile (I believe in Reunion after death)--then I would let them and live my life accordingly in Christian hope. BECAUSE I LOVE THEM THAT MUCH!!

I believe their honor and remembrance before God is what truly counts--not how many people on this planet currently acknowledge remembrance or love of them. So . . .  those that die young have still lived a "worthwhile" life. It doesn't matter who remembers or how many foundations in their name are formed. That even if nobody were to remember them in this life . . . (Alzheimer's runs in my bloodline) . . . their lives are worthwhile. Because God has assured me through His Word they are okay now . . . and I still believe it, even though bad things have definitely happened to definitely good people.

After my lengthy bereavement walk, I've concluded that the only things hat matter are that they were Created in Love, were Loved by both God and me, and I'm assured of Restoration and Reunion through that same Love because Love never dies and never "takes" . . . but only "Gives."

COMMENTS WELCOMED AND ENCOURAGED!!!

My Blogs Listing