Saturday, August 9, 2014


"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)

I've been thinking of this verse a lot lately. I believe it presupposes one has "HOPE"…how can we have this Rx toward better thinking, if future thinking didn't have a positive outcome?
I used to just think of this verse only in terms of: 
Mortal=Seen vs. Immortal=Unseen. 
My children before transitioning=Seen/Temporary; My children after transitioning=Unseen/Eternal
Another way I now look at this verse is: We can "see" the "unseen"- when we grasp the signs and winks our children may give us. "Signs","Winks" and "Visits", are an example of a"temporary"  physical link to us vs.our upcoming "eternal" (and not separable) linkage. 
If I only fix my eyes on seeing things of "destruction" though... I won't be able to see the "repair and restoration" that God promises us. What I focus on, greatly determines how I'm going to feel on any particular day.
What may seem eternal, is the suffering one experiences after our child physically dies. The excruciating pain does seem to be endless, for awhile.
Thankfully, our Physician does  know how to bind up our wounds:
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

It greatly helps me not to feel myself or my children got "cheated"…by thinking about what the first verse mentioned really tells me. All the "But they didn't do this, or get to have that experience", etc, are laments about temporary things of this world…I firmly believe my children have the Version 2.0 of whatever holds any real and lasting value. God's not a skinflint. If it's important for them to have, God will provide it. If God says it's not necessary for them to have up there…why should I sweat it? "Don't sweat the details" has a whole new meaning for me-since my children (and husband) transitioned.

I didn't use to feel that firm in my convictions, of course early on. I had all of the tears and wailings of all things considered "eternally" lost. For me and for them.

But that is where I made my mistake. My kids, our kids, have gone HIGHER not lower. Have MORE not less. Have more than sufficient! 

I believe that God is "Exuberantly Generous". I heard someone use that description about God, and I love it!

Think of the glorious future we have with our children in Heaven! 

As Jesus so frequently tells us, His worried and weary sheep…

"So don't be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom." 

(luke 12:32 (New Living Translation)

Now let's think on that! 

Monday, August 4, 2014


I get very turned off, when I hear God being referred to, as some egotistical Super Being, yielding THE LAW as a heavy book to whack the heads of us errant sinners.

I believe that Jesus suffered and died on the cross…for US…not to satisfy some kind of equation about sin and redemption and equaling the score of things…

In the parable of The Prodigal Son, the father RUNS toward the errant child, just as soon as the child turns the corner. The father showers the returning son with lavish gifts of love and generosity. There's not one word of essentially, "You did X…now Y has to be satisfied as retribution." All that mattered, was that the Father had the son back in His loving and forgiving arms again.

Fire and brimstone and damnation lectures rarely heal the trembling. Only love can cross the divide between good and evil actions to effect healing.

I will never believe that Jesus died on the cross to "even the score"…I do believe though, that He did "pay the penalty for our sins". Not because He was forced to-out of some legality--but because out of Love, He agreed to.

Because He never sinned-he never should have suffered. But He is our example of how the "just" suffer from the sinful actions of others.

I watched a documentary on TV once, where a gang member spoke of whom he felt "understood" him the most.

"I want to talk to people who've bled like I've bled" he said. Obviously, someone who could relate to his suffering, having suffered in the same way he had.

Support groups are helpful because people with the same suffering, come together to share their common struggles. There's a special kind of healing camaraderie that occurs, when one is among one's own "kind"…knowing the other person "gets" what their suffering is all about…

And that is why I think Jesus was crucified. Not to satisfy any monarchial demands of the Father…but purely flowing from the Love of the Father, wanting us beloved mortals to have someone to identify with in our earthly suffering….Someone who has "bled, like we have bled."


Yes, God is a forgiving God…But I had to, in essence, "forgive" God, after the death of my two children and husband, from the auto wreck we were all involved in…

I felt the greatest sense of peaceful surrender, after I finally faced my real and perceived human "inadequacies"…and asked God to forgive me. Back then, everything was black and white…and yet somehow in the boldest Technicolor, all at the same time in my thinking…

Those woulda-coulda- shoulda "gotcha's", were the absolute pits. By finally hitting my rock bottom emotionally, I just finally gave up fighting, and leaned on the forgiveness of Jesus, out of desperation. That seemed to jumpstart my real journeying toward healing the raw wound of tremendous loss.

I think, in a way I also had to forgive God…for allowing the wreck to happen. A split second difference, would have prevented the wreck from even occurring. The woulda-coulda-shoulda's also applied to my situation in regard to God's timing…

     "Couldn't you have just made one vehicle a little later or earlier so as not to meet at that intersection?"
      "Would you have allowed the wreck to happen had I not been "strong" enough to handle?"
      "Shouldn't that  other driver been held more accountable- more than receiving essentially just a hand slap- for all the carnage he caused?"

Lurking beneath my "All men have free will choice-God doesn't make us robots" reasoning why the wreck happened, was the age old question of "Why did You "allow" this to happen?" "Why no miracle"?

I had to forgive God, too, even though I consciously didn't see it as that.

As is commonly said, we really don't have the full picture of the future, as does God. He "allowed" the wreck to kill the physical bodies of my family even though He is All-Powerful. He is also "Omniscient"-all knowing- and that is where I have to place my trust in His allowances. That, and the fact that He is the author of Love itself, and so acts entirely out of Love…in everything permitted…even as difficult to fathom as that may be, to my mere mortal reasoning and understanding.

Trusting God is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves--it is the only "answer" when there are no answers. It is what sustains me when I cannot see the way forward. God-being God- alone can be100% trusted!
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