Saturday, February 24, 2018


In the bereaved parent world, there's a ton of "They'll never do this" and "They'll never do that." I've often felt like the oddball out because I'm hanging on for dear life to my Christian beliefs. But even Jesus got laughed at when he told the grieving many to stop their despair;  the young girl wasn't dead, she was just "asleep."

"Meanwhile, all the people were wailing and mourning for her. "Stop wailing," Jesus said. "She is not dead but asleep." (NIV Lk 8:52).

People who are asleep are still alive. They aren't responding to others around them like when they're not asleep, but they definitely aren't dead.

After the most recent mass school shooting, our President had words of comfort for the bereaved parents. He started his speech by including God but then quickly went into the typical lamenting of those focused only on loss. The fact that their lives were taken from them; their not getting/seeing/doing all the things parents wished they'd had the chance to. Lives cut short.

Where is God Soverign in all those statements? How is this helpful to hear? If someone recently suffers limb amputation, do we tell them all that they now cannot do? What they've missed out on? Why then do bereaved parents constantly have to be slammed down into non-helpful lamenting? Redirecting our thinking from an earthly to a Heavenly perspective, takes conscious effort in the beginning. Like with anything, it gets much more automatic with constant practice. It's well worth the effort. Despite what Society constantly throws in our face about what's important to focus on, those who believe in God can focus on what He tells us is true.

No life is shorter than what God has allowed it to be. Nobody takes our lives away unless God haas determined that person's work is over (no matter how short--even miscarriages, in my belief). My daughter's work was over while still a baby. My son, while still a toddler. Either God's All-Powerful or He's not. Someone All-Powerful cannot be overpowered by anyone. He alone determines when our work is over and our stress-free Life begins.

So to me, it's nonsensical for me to lament that my children didn't get to do this earthly thing, or that earthly thing. Because I believe our existence in Heaven is bigger than all that. I really don't think any of our earthly happiness can compare to what they're experiencing in their new Lives. It's like complaining they didn't get to play in the sand box . . . when now they're busy exploring the whole universe. It. Just. Doesn't. Matter. Admittedly, it took me a long time to get to this viewpoint (I'm currently 30+ years post-wreck). During most of my bereavement I'd constantly felt like my family had been cheated, but I'm sure glad  I came to the conclusion that God, being God, has to be fair.  I've  changed my focus from "They didn't get to" to "Look at all they have!"

Different can be bright.


Unknown said...

Hi Donna, I still wonder about the concept that our child/children's work here was done when they left for heaven. I have had such a profound shift in my thinking (for the better) and although I always had faith that Ed is with God and well, beyond well, you taught me so much about looking forward to "reunion." I believe in our sovereign God but I know that natural laws prevail and sometimes disease wins. Since the shift in my perspective and my gratitude for reunion, what Ed is "missing" isn't what I focus on. All he has gained is what I focus on now (thank you my friend and teacher). This is just a concept that I wonder about. ♡

DONNA--(Admin) said...

Hi Linda, thank you for commenting and for your kind words. I came to the conclusion that our work during our earthly lifetime, can be quite different than what's typically meant by the word "work." For example, Lisa was only 9.5 months old but before she died she so broadened my ideas about fragility, vulnerability and the differences between earthly and heavenly bodies and their "needs." That was her work on earth (the part of it that I can grasp.) Because no mortal can prevail over when God is going to allow someone to transition, the "work" He wanted done is going to be done before they do so. I believe that we're given "Work" to do again in our transitioned Life, but it won't ever feel like it's "work" as we'll be in a perfected state and everything we do will always be done with joy in our heart and soul. It's a gift to be able to use our unique gifts, here and up there. Short lives on earth are all uniquely given God's work to do before leaving here. Changed attitudes, new perspectives, etc. all in my mind, considered their "work."
Much love to you and your Best Friend, Ed!

Unknown said...

Thanks, Donna. Your comment helps to me to understand. I completely trust in God's plan for me and also for Eddie but my "earthly" thinking confuses me sometimes. I also believe there is meaningful work here and absolutely in heaven. That why I don't like when people say "May Ed rest in peace." I know their words are kind and they mean well but Edward is busy in heaven.
Lisa's, Michael's and Eddie's gifts and talents continue.
Love you my friend. ♡

DONNA--(Admin) said...

You're welcome, Linda. I don't like it either, that part about "Rest" in peace. Peace is a given . . . but surely Paradise isn't merely a Snooze-Fest! :-)

Unknown said...

I completely agree, Donna. Peace, yes - snooze fest no! I feel our children are busy and their work is continually coming to fruition as they glorify God. ♡

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