TRUST

"Trust…but verify!" That's the go-to method for alot of us…But how does one do that-when it comes to the issue of "The Afterlife"??? 

Some things we just cannot verify-at least in the usual way we do so. Just like some things we can never know in this life ("Why did that 10 ton truck have to be right there at the intersection, God?") For me, the answer all comes down to my trust that…

GOD KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING…

There's plenty of Scripture references, in regard to God knowing the end before the beginning, etc. That nothing happens without His total awareness and how nothing can be concealed that won't be revealed in due time.  So with all this might and power that we trust He has, because He is God…why is it so hard to let go and trust that our children are really doing "Ok" in Heaven?

Change in that area happened slowly for me. At first, I was consumed with the idea that they somehow were "needy" of me…"Where's Mommy?" "Mommmeeeee!!!" When I read a news clipping about the accident, and read that "For awhile, it appeared that the boy was alive"…I about lost it. Instant death therefore no suffering huh? Well that just blew that sustaining premise right outta the water for me…
Again with the "They needed me and I wasn't there for them!" torturous thinking. 

It's as if I had to gradually ease into the understanding-and acceptance-that my kids were now entirely self sufficient and not only doing fine in their new lives, but are overwhelmingly satisfied and content-along with being just plain old "happy"…

"I can do all things through God"…including letting go of my very human, maternal  protective instincts toward my children now with Jesus…now that they are no longer needed...

I was thinking how easy it is for us to trust our doctors, our priests, even the plumber when it comes to accepting their answers to our questions and concerns. Why is it so hard for us to trust the One, True Savior of the World-who hung on a cross, suffering a most excruciating death…for me, for you…Who loves us so incredibly more than we can even conceive of…Who never lies or deceives…and we have trouble trusting Him because, why again???

I'm a stubborn person. I'll come to my own conclusions, thank you. And if yours differs from mine, thank you, but I'm still sticking with my deeply held beliefs. Most of the time. But sometimes, I need to let that stinkin' thinkin' as they say, take a hike and look at things from a fresh perspective. When I'm not under an incredible amount of mind-numbing pain and irrationality. And when the time comes to let those errant thoughts leave me-to be open to the fact that letting go can be a good thing. Because in the letting go, I've found so many things of value-come back to me. 

It just seems like so very little really matters in the grand scheme of things. If we're operating under the principal that our children in Heaven are super knowledgeable and beyond simplistic thinking, do I really need to feel like a shmuck of a mother because I forgot to light my candles recently, during the "TCF WORLD-WIDE CANDLE LIGHTING DAY"??? Yes, I had a momentary "Oh poop" moment, but recalled afterward, that, being mortal, I had been utterly physically exhausted from that day's activities, and had been so busy with helping other mortals with my earthly chores and duties…it slipped my mind. I think next year I'll just set the candles out where I will see them-as a memory aid…Thinking hard about it all the day before, just didn't seem to cut it this year, as I ended up forgetting anyway. But I know that they know…that I love them forever. Regardless if I remember to light candles or not…they will always be a light in my soul that shines perpetually.

I love my children very, very much. They know that-I know that-and of course Jesus knows that. That's all that's essential really. Guilt (side) trips, just give us lengthy detours -on this already long journey! But thankfully, there is a destination we're headed to-and it will make the wait so very, very much worth it.

I trust You, Jesus…You've never failed me and I know that "All things work for good"-even the lousy stuff-You have the power and ability to transform a lowly substance-under high pressure and high temperature- into diamonds that shine forever…Talk about illumination!!!