Sunday, June 8, 2014

DUPLICATING THE PAIN




I've noticed a huge change in something, from my early years of bereavement, to now (almost 30 years) and want to share...

Early on, absolutely EVERYTHING had the potential to remind me of my newly transitioned family. Every single time I heard their names, I thought of them and...loss. If there was a baby anywhere near me... in any myriad of ways, baby reminded me of my Lisa. It WAS Lisa! Same thing with someone's toddler close by. Heaven forbid if that toddler had blonde hair! The heart jabs would be from an even sharper blade... That toddler had to be Michael! And how many times did I think I saw Tim in a store?

The funny thing was, nobody had to closely resemble any of them AT ALL...Just the most general of generalizations would suffice...ie. a BABY or a TODDLER or a YOUNG MAN...No wonder I was feeling so sad and tired all the time...THEY WERE EVERYWHERE! All sights, sounds and scents, somehow, reminded me of something about them!

After awhile, I started noticing more subtle differences. As in, that toddler doesn't look at all like Michael! Or, that particular baby is Chinese! I knew I'd reached some kind of milestone, when I finally "let go" of the firm requirement I'd had--that  my family had to be the same age when I saw them again, as when they left me. I "let go" and have also "let them go" ...ahead of me...Nowadays, I'm much more on board with whatever God has decreed.

I just realized something. I often tell bereaved Moms, not to "give up"...but "I" constantly "give up"...! I see that as I have trudged along this path, I constantly re-evaluate and "give up" old ways of thinking. I have "given up" the need to have things a certain way...ie. my way!

I have decided in regard to my loved ones gone before me, that God is a generous Giver. The ultimate Restorer. There's no short-changing with God! I no longer believe, that Michael and Lisa, or their Dad Tim, have missed out or been gypped out of, anything that is truly important. I am not understanding of how God restores...I just know that He can, and WILL. 

If there's "God's Will" involved in anything regarding the physical death of my family...it is that "God Will!" restore them to health, happiness and fullness of life...for eternity!   Because He is Love, Generous, and All Power-FULL. He CAN "deliver" the goods...I so look forward to Reunion... We all have SO MUCH to look forward to!


1 comment:

  1. AMEN!! Reunion and perfection and lotsa love...... what a wonderful vision to anticipate and be a apart of forever. xoxo

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