Healing, brought an increase in Faith--I have become utterly more convinced than ever, that my children have gone to a far better place than earth. My questioning of what I truly believed, about the God I worship, made me ask myself some hard questions. This forced me to come up with adequate answers. All of this is part of our "grief work"--all of this questioning, processing, reevaluating…It does take awhile! So those that are not privy to this, most difficult of all self introspection, do tend to question why it takes us "so long"…
Bereavement recovery, I am learning after almost 30 years of bereavement, has many similarities to recovery that utilizes the infamous "12 Steps" that AA, ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics), and many other groups that use "Anonymous" as part of their group name. The Steps are nearly all identical for each group, except where the specific group is mentioned (in the last Step).
Here are the 12 Steps of, in this case, NA, in case you're not familiar with them:
In a way, it seems fitting to use the NA 12 Steps…I love my children so much, it's as if I was "addicted" to thinking 24-7/Non-Stop about them! Part of my recovery, included adjusting to an aspect of "physical" separation from my beloved "fixation." Thinking back on the earlier, more severe pain…it does seem like I needed a fix! Being totally preoccupied with nothing but painful thoughts of our separation, I would think along the lines of…"If I just had them for another day!" Which then became "If only I had them for one more hour!" which then came down to "I would sell everything I owned-- to just have one more SECOND with them!" Akin to an addict, I felt an insatiable, intolerable and all encompassing craving for them…
You can't force an alcoholic to quit before they want to quit, it's commonly stated. And yes, the same goes for bereaved Moms, I feel! I wasn't ready early on, for true recovery…I first had to do much soul searching. Recovery, was the end result of all the "processing" work done-- work done in preparation for recovery. And it wasn't until I was "ready"…that I could even think of finding a better way to get through life-- without my drug of choice--my beloved children. They don't say "Intoxicated with Love" for nothing!
My bereavement recovery followed along the lines of these 12 Steps... without me even realizing it until now! I look at the Steps, and now I can see certain aspects of what I went through during the process.
For instance, Step number 4, directly correlates to my "woulda, coulda, shoulda's"--and the emotional beating myself up that came from that part of the healing process. I'm sure if you look at the Steps, you, too, can probably see some connection with your own process of healing.
The Twelfth Step, has everything to do, with trying to be helpful to others that are suffering--to offer a helping hand-- by sharing what we've come to know as our Truth, desiring to provide Hope for others "in recovery." That is why I wrote this entry today…Jesus' crucifixion was not the end of the Story! The Resurrection is! And that is why we bereaved Moms have a blessed Hope…REUNION with our dear transitioned children. Happy Easter!