Thursday, October 3, 2013

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE



Sometimes-- when your children are transitioned at a very tender age-- you can feel like you're left out. My two children died young, at ages 27 months (Michael) and 9 and 1/2 months (Lisa). 

Early on, I strongly felt left out of all the shared memories, that Moms of older transitioned children had shared. These Moms had... immensely more to remember.

But what about the "not so good memories" they share, too? Now I see the benefit of not having a ton of earthly memories...Life being full of tumult and jolts along with joyful moments...there's bound to have been plenty of "best NOT remembered" moments, too, that they have to deal with. Or try hard to forget...which is like trying to keep a balloon submerged under water!

I think it is easier for me to "look forward"--to "look ahead" with having fewer shared memories. Yes, the pain of feeling "cheated" is substantially and potentially much greater--all those missing moments for not only our child, but for us...

After that terrible slew of hard core pain is dealt with though, I think it's been probably easier to now focus on what WILL be gained. What do I have to lose by focusing on that? I surely don't have enough memories to feel badly about not "remembering"...

Coupled with a particularly miserable childhood and a life story that would make good "Lifetime" movie fodder...I honestly cannot fathom desiring my children to leave their place of JOY...for this "life!"

I have experienced plenty of God's grace in action--consoling, healing and sustaining--I have no doubt in my mind that my transitioned children are in a far, far better place than here.

I "gave" them life through God...would I take it back again? Would I now take away what really IS LIFE...hauling their rear ends back to a place of tenuous peace and ample suffering? "hell---NO" is what I say...but Heaven?-- YES!!! 

Loving someone "unconditionally," usually entails loving someone who has something "repugnant" going on with them... and accepting that repugnancy. "Unconditional love"-- when transitioned children are involved--means that if it is repugnant to me that they are away from me (EVEN IN HEAVEN) ...I still love them enough to sacrifice my own sense of earthly self-fulfillment. 

When the shocking  horror that our child has transitioned becomes more "manageable"--...the realization that our children are IN PARADISE and HAVE WON THE LOTTERY can  start to "lighten" our burden...at least that's how it did work for me...And all we have to do is TRUST... that Jesus is not a liar!



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