I don't get it! Early on in my journey, I was so beside myself, wondering if they'd had the slightest crying out in need for me--their mother. I had been told several times that they had died "instantly" from head injuries sustained in the crash. And yet my mother's heart needed more reassurance than what I'd been told. It wasn't helpful for me to read in one of the news reports a friend gave me..."It was thought for a time, that the boy had a pulse." Spiral down, down, down...
I felt I hadn't "been there" for them in their hour of need. Not that I could have, realistically. When the racket from "the jaws of life" woke me, I remember trying to get up out of my seat to attend to my babies. I just knew were waiting outside the vehicle and missing ME. With a broken and dislocated hip, fractured femur and kneecap, plus 4 broken ribs my attempt to get out of my seat was, needless to say, unsuccessful.
But wanting my deceased children to continue to miss me? Hell no! I would rather they be so enjoying themselves in Paradise that the thought of missing me never enters their minds!
I know we'll be together again...God promises this to me. Why would I want their joy to be overshadowed by their longing to be with me before my work here is over? They want what God wants and when He says it's my time to join them, they know I will!
When my son was overseas for awhile, I missed him terribly, worried about him and all of that. But the minute I heard he was heading for the airport to come home, my concerns were transformed immediately into joyful expectation of our reunion! He wasn't with me yet...but I still found intense relief and joy at our upcoming reunion!
My grown son was not in my embracing arms at the time my sorrowful longing and concerns were taken away at the knowledge we would soon be reuniting...
That is what it feels like now, at this point on my journey... My deceased children WILL be reuniting with me at a time only God knows. Maybe tomorrow for all I know! But meeting me again, in person, is the next thing to happen! We WILL be reunited and I don't have to worry about them any longer. I don't need to be consumed by excessive sorrow-- They're fine! I'm on my way...they're on their way and God will join us back together again! Do I miss them? Of course! But that is overshadowed by my knowing they are in BLISS even as I write this...and the assurance that we will be reunited again! It will be BETTER than it was before we were apart! New, improved and FOREVER together...can it get any better than that?
A wonderful party of sorts is waiting for all of us bereaved Moms. Jesus does like to party a little we read, doesn't He? Water into wine only for "medicinal purposes"...yeah, right!!! :-)