As a Christian bereaved mom, I sometimes feel as though I'm being whipped into submission to get back into the line of what "truly loving" bereaved moms "must" feel. This comes, evidently, from non-Believers . . . even if they consider themselves a Believer, it appears to me.
How many times must I hear that an apparently "truly" grieving mother must steadfastly refuse to believe there can be no possible "explanation" for our child's early death? But what about our belief that God has His reasons why He allowed something horrible to happen . . . understanding that our comprehension of the "why" not humanly possible during our lifetime. Trust in God does sound like a platitude to some . . . but it is my best "go to" answer as a Christian who believes, but is not able to understand the divine. I believe that I will have full knowledge after I transition. I don't consider myself a mindless robot . . . but someone who has spent a lifetime so far trying to understand and figure out just what I believe, after my foundation was so violently rocked at age 28. I'm 60 now.
As of now, I have no clue as to why that 10 ton truck had to be at that intersection . . . precisely when our pickup intersected that spot. In a state known to have "the" least population; While traveling on a lonely rural highway; Just before Christmas, too. This is "the hard stuff" of being a Believer. We may never know in this lifetime why tragic stuff happens to good people. (But look at Jesus as an example of this).
As a Christian, I TRUST that God allowed it for some reason that He, being non-subject to time had knowledge of "why" this had to be. Or it would not have been allowed. I still believe that God is 100% Love and I still believe that God is 100% trustworthy. Call me a fool if you want. I will never stop believing otherwise.
This talk sounds like nonsense to a non-Believer. Their stated reasoning (or variations of):
"There is no good reason why God should allow an innocent child that was healthy, beloved and had a whole lifetime of love and life to look forward to."
If a Christian bereaved mom tries to counter the above statement with--horror of horrors--Scripture references, then a whole new slew of vehemence often erupts.
"Platitudes" and "Trite sayings" are hurled at the Christian who has found extreme comfort from just the very things an apparent non-Believer is hurling back at them in utter disgust. I can understand the anger toward Christians that are insensitive technique-wise at communicating their beliefs. There is no protest from me with bereaved moms that are angry at Christians who seem to be one-upping others by Faith bashing. But others, and I consider myself one, are trying to help a fellow bereaved mom gently find her way through the darkness by shining the Light of Christ and His assurances and how that has proven helpful to us. Wouldn't you share your food with the near-starving?
For those bloggers who trash Christian moms for trying to help others--those of you who lump us all together as bigoted bullies-- you are not helpful to one half of your listeners (or readers).
I read today on a bereaved mom's blog, that she and others like her:
"Would want to punch her in the face" (a fellow bereaved mom and a Christian--for sharing her faith).
When faced with aggression, it's only normal to retreat. Maybe that's why some Christian moms feel it's just easier to keep silent rather than speak or write, amid the difficult-to-counter likes of:
"I love my child too much to ever be okay with their dying before me . . . it's just not normal."
"My child was taken before their time and missing out on everything good in this life."
"I hate G*d because of what He did to me."
"God hates me because of something I did to Him."
These are difficult topics to address even for those that are trained professionals, to say the least! I've had my share of put downs for trying to help other bereaved moms. That's why this blog is geared toward "Christian" moms, because I feel at least I have a starting point from which to reaffirm our mutual belief of life and HOPE following death. For both Mom and child.
After being bereaved now for over thirty years, I have fought many battles in regard to losing instantly both my infant daughter Lisa, toddler son Michael and Tim, my husband of ten years from an auto accident. The last thing I feel like battling is trying to defend my undying love for them even though I firmly believe my Christian assurances. Bottom line:
YES!! I STILL WILDLY LOVE THEM!!
I believe in complete and utter restoration for them of all that is truly "important" of which they've not had the chance to experience on earth. I miss them not being physically here with me on earth. But if they had the chance to be 100% happier being away from me for awhile (I believe in Reunion after death)--then I would let them and live my life accordingly in Christian hope. BECAUSE I LOVE THEM THAT MUCH!!
I believe their honor and remembrance before God is what truly counts--not how many people on this planet currently acknowledge remembrance or love of them. So . . . those that die young have still lived a "worthwhile" life. It doesn't matter who remembers or how many foundations in their name are formed. That even if nobody were to remember them in this life . . . (Alzheimer's runs in my bloodline) . . . their lives are worthwhile. Because God has assured me through His Word they are okay now . . . and I still believe it, even though bad things have definitely happened to definitely good people.
After my lengthy bereavement walk, I've concluded that the only things hat matter are that they were Created in Love, were Loved by both God and me, and I'm assured of Restoration and Reunion through that same Love because Love never dies and never "takes" . . . but only "Gives."
Grief has a way of whipping up on us but God has a way of softening the blows. It's like a ladder of loss. You are on a rung above me lending a hand as you step further upwards and I the same to another grieving person just below me, each helping the other. God comforting us as we also comfort each other as it says to do in the Bible.
I have had that experience as you have trying to convince unbelievers of my faith. While I have been sad for myself, I must say it's sadder still for those who have no faith. who don't know about our Reunion, who'd rather argue than simply believe. So sad.
You always write with wisdom and compassion. I know that just as our children and your husband had their purposes realized in only a short time, that ours must be to know grief and also God's sustaining grace so we can share our faith to those who do believe and those who do not. God bless you dear friend. Brandon bear hugs always.
Thanks for your kind comments, Dale. As for unbelievers, or those that struggle to continue their belief after undergoing bereavement, all we can do ultimately, is to offer them a seed to sow. With God's help, that seed has the potential to germinate beautifully in wonderful, newly-fertile ground! A win-win for everyone! With love and gratitude to both you and Brandon Bear, Donna
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