How did I get to where I'm at today, looking at "The Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow"? Well, people sometimes tell me that I'm "strong" to have endured the wreck. (I know what I am…and being "strong" is definitely not one of my strong points!) But GOD IS strong…and as for me, well, I have FAITH in Him. Faith is a gift that we can pray for if we don't feel we have enough of it! Many of us believe in the power of prayer...so it makes perfect sense to pray for an increase of faith! Faith is a gift from God, not based on merit, but (imho) based on God working out His plans through us.
Why do so few believe me when I state the true source of "my" strength?…it's like they never heard me! Again with the "You are so strong! This would have broken others!"
it is NOT OF MY OWN STRENGTH…IT IS GOD'S STRENGTH WORKING IN ME!
Do they really not believe in God? Or that He is strong? Could anyone really believe that I could have handled this tragedy all on my own? With no support system?
I was like all new Moms, early on my journey. I didn't believe I could survive this, I saw no way out-- I only saw loss, loss and nothing but more loss. Like looking down a never ending hallway of loss! It was like a maze that I had to find my way out of in order to go on…"Luckily" for me, my life before the tragedy was so full of crappy experiences, that I NEEDED God to survive! And He came through for me big time! So when the wreck happened-- I knew Who to call for help…the only One that's ever really "heard" me…God.
Faith in God gave me the courage to continue on, in the midst of incredible circumstances stacked against me. Praying for an increase of faith and trust, I believe is the best thing a grieving mother can do-- to help her for the long haul aspect of this journey…
With faith comes trust... kinda like interest added to a bank account! It grows... as long as "deposits" of faith are made! Trust (imho) is "THE ANSWER" to all of our concerns/problems/issues in regard to the transitioning of our children. A lot of us believe that there is a personal God-- One that is All Powerful-Knows All Things and of Whom Nothing is Impossible… Please take the "Leap of faith"… and START TRUSTING HIM!
It can be a shaky trust…heck…Rome wasn't built in a day, right? But I personally believe, that to start going more in THAT direction.. paves the way for miraculous healing that can occur!
"TRUST!" is my answer …to ALL of the questions that I cannot understand in this life--ALL OF THEM...for example...
WHY was our vehicle there, the split second that 10 ton truck was at that intersection???
WHY did my children (and husband) not get the chance to experience this life's joys?
WHY did they all have to be taken away at once?
Will they remember me?
Will I see them again?
and on and on and on -- you can insert your own "WHY'S" here…
Over this long period of time, I am rock- hard- cement -sure of where my family is, and that they are indeed happy, and that we will see each other again…WHY??? because I have spent years after taking that initial "Leap of Faith" --to hone this "Happy in Heaven" thinking! To the point where I believe, it would be beyond cruel, for me to wish them back here with me-- if it meant they had to leave Jesus and Paradise…
I'm going to get up there one day, God willing…and until then I wait..and trust, and bask in the comforting Sun…of knowledge that He Whom I have trusted all these years, IS fully capable of doing ALL He has promised…God alone is TRUST "WORTHY".
