THE STRUGGLE

Clinical depression can strike anyone at anytime, and is a change in the brain's neurochemistry. As I've continued my book writing over these many months (it's about how God helped me during my bereavement tragedy), I've come under increasing attack from "The Enemy"--Satan. I'm getting closer to the end of my book writing, and I've been pretty complimentary to Jesus--and I don't think the enemy likes it one bit.

It's become clear to me, the biggest component of my grief struggle has always been the repetitive attempts to surrender "my will" to God.  I won't state this as, "I surrender my will to God's Will," because using that phrase in connection with personal tragedy is just too confusing. 
How many times have we all heard, 

"It was God's Will," usually in response to something horrific?!

God did not "will" my family to die instantly . . . but He did "allow" it to happen. This may seem like I'm nitpicking at words--but the differences are enormous and have "grave" consequences to our faith life . . . especially for bereaved parents.

If I believed that God had outright "willed" my family to die--I would not continue being a Believer. But I know that's not the way it happened. Like others, I believe that humans have "free choice"--and that sometimes we choose wrongly. God most certainly at times, "allows" someone's free choice to affect us when tragedy occurs. He didn't instigate it--but once it was set in motion He allowed it to roll. The sticky part is that He had the power to stop the motion before it caused tragedy.

So why didn't He? This question will never be answered in this lifetime. I've spent my fair share of time trying to figure out the answer. I do believe though, that we'll find out later, after we transition to Heaven, but for now as Scripture tell us, we only see "in part."

"Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." (1 Cor 13:12b NIV).

Surrendering our will to the Divine is, of course, difficult and can be quite the struggle. I'm often  feeling battle-weary . . . and that is exactly when our Enemy picks his time to strike. It's hard for me to actively engage against The Enemy (with the ferocity necessary to be victorious) . . . at the very same time I'm still reeling from the struggle of surrendering to God. It seems like I'm doing two opposite things at the same time. Surrendering (to God) and fighting (The Enemy).  Maybe it's a divide and conquer strategy?  It's comforting to me to know, that even Jesus wasn't immune to being attacked while suffering from diminished human strength. 

I find it fascinating that the Bible recorded that Jesus Himself was in a weakened human state and then  underwent an Enemy attack. Jesus' response was to state what God's will was,  each time He was severely tried. It was a battle where ammunition was human desire--versus our Father's desire.

The Enemy couldn't get a spiritual foothold so he did finally leave Jesus . . . "until an opportune time." 

"When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time." (LK 4:13 NIV).

This verse proves  to me--that it isn't just randomly happening--those times when "everything seems to go wrong at once." The enemy goes in for the kill when he knows we're staggering under the weight of something. A kick here--a punch there--a surprise attack . . . only the powerful name of Jesus can send him and his minions away from us. Stay close to Jesus because He knows intimately what . . . and whom we're up against. Even though this whole topic is nightmarish, there's really no need to worry about the ghouls we're up against, because:

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." (1 John 4:4 NIV). Praise be to God!