Sunday, April 19, 2015


I have always been perplexed by bereaved parents, that seem to have a hard time with believing their children "Are in a better place!" I am recognizing that my own dysfunctional childhood, could have actually helped me greatly in understanding-and believing- that my kids, "Are in a  better place!"

I find myself wondering, "What if I'd had an idyllic childhood?" …One that didn't include parents that tried their best-yet had major mental health issues. One that didn't include my schizophrenic older sister- chasing me around with scissors, after my parents left to run an errand.  I had nightmares for many years, about trying to outrun my sister and lock myself in my bedroom.  After I woke up in the middle of the night with her staring at me, my door was always locked.

I remember being cold enough to need a sweater outside…even in the heat of a Chicago summer day…And it took me somewhat by surprise, to realize that, in the vast majority of my "happy memories"growing up…I am  completely alone, doing my own thing. Sadness and invisibility, these were major themes for me growing up.

I suspect I'd feel much more of an impact- that my kids were in fact "missing out"- if things had been different for me. I realize that I have no real idea, what great things my children potentially could have had, but didn't get to experience. So I guess I'm actually lucky in that respect. As torturous as the "what ifs" are, especially during early grief,  I feel fortunate…that my own childhood was less than fortunate. Thankfully, God always brought someone, or something to me to buoy my Spirit, which kept me going.

So... it's easy for me, to fully embrace the truth that my kids are in a much better place. I have absolutely no doubts. I do not feel that they have missed out on anything of value. Nothing is impossible with God…and He is the God of Restoration. He is fair and just. Why would I worry about them? Or want them back in the hellish place called "earth"…the battleground between good and evil… I do wish we never had to physically separate so soon of course!…but would  I really want them to leave Paradise to return back to earth? Mother "no's" best… Sweet reunion awaits Above.

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