There is a Scripture verse that has popped up twice in close succession-thus making it one that I feel is especially significant to me lately... It is this... Ephesians 3:20:
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,…"
Immeasurably more? To me, that sounds like excitedly awaiting, the most bounteous, specially selected Christmas gifts from Santa!
I've been reflecting on how easy it should be to trust Someone possessing the power, "to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine." Why so hard, especially for newly bereaved Moms?
Thinking back, my healing (through Christ) was a definite "process". Just as forgiveness is a series of steps-a progression, a process, so is healing from agonizing grief. In order to heal, I had to reach my own kind of closure... questions answered to my own satisfaction. For me, reaching a conclusion to a grief related question, (even if just "I cannot know in this life") was tantamount to closure of a jagged wound. The real healing, could then begin…
Reaching conclusions though, first implies the necessity of starting the agonizing job of grief work. Like with any work that is repugnant-one cannot pick up the paycheck- until the prescribed amount of effort has been undertaken. And this delving into the "whys" and the "wherefores"- all of the painfully peculiar and particular reflecting and questioning about everything regarding our child's (physical) death, is undertaken only on our own timetable. In fact, pushing and prodding by others usually just prolongs our feeling way too weak to start the work. And too much "carrying" of us by those sincerely trying to help us, can also cause weakened muscles.
Mothers are "hard-wired" to provide for the well- being of our offspring. In it's most simplistic terms…children do not die before their mothers die, thus…where have we (seemingly) gone "wrong"??? Maybe above and beyond all the other sharply penetrating thought- shards, the ones where I refused to forgive myself... cut the deepest.
Wishing you could have said/not said/done/not done something in regard to your child now with God?
That verse above is like a salve on our wounded soul-"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine…"
Believing that God can in fact, do anything... then we have the answer to whatever aspect of grief work is troubling to us! Jesus tells us to "Ask and ye shall receive." I read somewhere that Jesus thirsts for us to ask Him…That we cheer Him, by going to Him with our burdens. Let us make Him happier and ourselves a whole lot less sorrowful, by relying on Him for enabling closure-and the beginning of a new chapter for our children and ourselves, in the Book of Life.